Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
