in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
