I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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