He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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