if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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