I didn't shave. On purpose
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do vagina's smell?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
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