I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
