I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
