I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm at about main and main street
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
