jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
