sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
