Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
