Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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