He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
