My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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