I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
