Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
