I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
