sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
