You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
