he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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