What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
