hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
