I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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