you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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