Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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