She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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