you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
