as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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