I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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