Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
