I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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