Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
