Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
