So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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