You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
