Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
