Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
