I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
