i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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