if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Man, jail baloney is awful.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
