I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
