guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
