I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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