I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
