im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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