I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
did i just pee glitter
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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