oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
