I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
