he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
