You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
