Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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