Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
