Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
