In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
