SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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