Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
