...so i touched it.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
