How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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