If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
